T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

 T'was the night before Christmas, and god it was neat!
      The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat!
 The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
      It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
 Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude,
      Had just hit the bedroom, and reached for the lube.
 When out on the lawn there arose such a cry.
      That I lost my boner, and Momma went dry.
 Up to the window I sprang like an elf.
      Tore back the shade, while she played with herself.
 The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built.
      Shoved a broom in his ass, clean up to the hilt.
 When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
      But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.
 With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
      A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.
 Sure as I'm speaking, he was high as a kite,
      And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.
 "Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, Whoa Putz,
      Either slow down this rig, or I'll cut off your nuts.
 Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree,
      Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee."
 They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
      Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.
 And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
      As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.
 I was donning my jockeys, to cover my ass,
      When down the chimmey Santa came with a crash.
 His suit was all smelly with perfume galore.
      He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.
 "That was some brothel, " he said with a smile,
      "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay a while."
 He walked to the kitchen, for himself poured a drink,
      Then whipped out his pecker, and pissed in the sink.
 I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
      The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.
 Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
      But his toys all were gone, and some new things were packed.
 The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
      The next was a hand gun with a penis that spits.
 A box filled with condoms was Santa next find.
      And six pairs of panties, the edible kind.
 A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
      And several more things I can't even mention.
 A cock ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
      A dildo so long that it lay in a coil.
 "This stuff ain't for kids, " he said with wit,
      "So I'll leave 'em here, and then I will split.
 He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
      With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.
 He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
      Thus fell on his ass, and broke wind instead.
 In time he was seated, took reins of his hitch,
      saying "Take me home Rudolph, this night been a bitch."
 The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
      "The best thing about pussy, you can't wear it out!"